The loneliness of sustained grief

There comes a time in the course of loss when you stop hearing from people. It’s inevitable, but eventually people stop texting or calling. They forget the days your life stopped. Anniversaries of your loss go unremembered by anyone but you and perhaps a select, close few. Eventually, your grief becomes solely yours, and that’sContinue reading “The loneliness of sustained grief”

Signs, Portents, and Pills

I’m not much for omens. I don’t believe in astrology or psychics, hauntings or fairies. I don’t believe that the planets influence my future or the time of year I was born dictates my personality. I don’t think that black cats are unlucky, though walking under ladders seems like a good way to get hurtContinue reading “Signs, Portents, and Pills”

Self Protection and Motherhood

Well I hope that I don’t fall in love with youCause fallin’ in love just makes me blue…. I began my third pregnancy with a marked sense of detachment. I thought I was doing myself a favor. I think it was inevitable that both my husband and I said “well, we’ll see.” Two losses areContinue reading “Self Protection and Motherhood”

The Worst Thing To Be Thankful For

Friday night my doctor called me. She’s pretty cool, and has been my doctor since before Elijah. She knows what we’ve been through and I know she hurts for us too. It’s very strange for my doctor to be about my own age–sometimes it just reminds me of all I could have done and haven’tContinue reading “The Worst Thing To Be Thankful For”