Self Protection and Motherhood

Well I hope that I don’t fall in love with youCause fallin’ in love just makes me blue…. I began my third pregnancy with a marked sense of detachment. I thought I was doing myself a favor. I think it was inevitable that both my husband and I said “well, we’ll see.” Two losses areContinue reading “Self Protection and Motherhood”

The Worst Thing To Be Thankful For

Friday night my doctor called me. She’s pretty cool, and has been my doctor since before Elijah. She knows what we’ve been through and I know she hurts for us too. It’s very strange for my doctor to be about my own age–sometimes it just reminds me of all I could have done and haven’tContinue reading “The Worst Thing To Be Thankful For”

Memories Are Tricky

If you’re in the fog of grief, it can seem like far, far too much of your brain is tied up in screaming. You’re trying to eat, sleep, maybe go to work or the grocery store, talk to people like a functioning adult, and all that takes place against a constant buzz of loss.“How areContinue reading “Memories Are Tricky”

My Brain and Trauma/Grief

I never understood trauma before I entered into it. Of course, I understood how loss could be traumatic, and that horrible pain existed in the world, but I hadn’t experienced it for myself. It’s difficult to remember a lot of things about my losses–my brain has obscured a lot of those memories just for self-defense.Continue reading “My Brain and Trauma/Grief”