Uncategorized – Page 2 – Joys Are Coming Fast

Our Third Loss

I’m not sure I should be writing this post so soon, while I’m still such a mess, but here goes. On December 9th, I took a pregnancy test. We were trying to get ready to move, our stuff was almost completely packed, we were in contract on a new house, and it was the dayContinue reading “Our Third Loss”

Memories Are Tricky

If you’re in the fog of grief, it can seem like far, far too much of your brain is tied up in screaming. You’re trying to eat, sleep, maybe go to work or the grocery store, talk to people like a functioning adult, and all that takes place against a constant buzz of loss.“How areContinue reading “Memories Are Tricky”

My Brain and Trauma/Grief

I never understood trauma before I entered into it. Of course, I understood how loss could be traumatic, and that horrible pain existed in the world, but I hadn’t experienced it for myself. It’s difficult to remember a lot of things about my losses–my brain has obscured a lot of those memories just for self-defense.Continue reading “My Brain and Trauma/Grief”

Self-Blame and Grief

I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I’m an ISFJ and an Enneagram 6: I’m responsible and [generally] kind; I like security and stability and strive to provide those things for others. I love babies. I think I’d be good at being a mom. PLOT TWIST: I am bad at becoming a mom. I haveContinue reading “Self-Blame and Grief”

The Holidays

2020 has been a real rollercoaster. A lot of people have been so adversely affected by COVID-19 that anything else I have to say on the subject is really unnecessary; suffice it to say, I think most of us will be glad to sit quietly on the couch with a glass of wine and toastContinue reading “The Holidays”

Grief, Loss, and Intolerable Growth

“I walked a mile with Pleasure;She chatted all the way;But left me none the wiser,For all she had to say. I walked a mile with Sorrow,And ne’er a word said she;But, oh! The things I learned from her,When Sorrow walked with me.”–Robert Browning Hamilton I find this poem to be very true. My life beforeContinue reading “Grief, Loss, and Intolerable Growth”

Words and Grief

I’m a hardcore introvert. I need vast swathes of uncommitted time built into my life, specifically to do nothing. Talking to people, going places, doing things, can be exhausting for me, especially since I’ve spent the last 2 years grieving and the 50 Shades of Sleeplessness that grief entails. I used to be a radioContinue reading “Words and Grief”

The Transabdominal Cerclage

Okay, here goes. Cervical Incompetence is a condition where the cervix, because of injury or congenital issues, can’t handle the weight of a pregnancy to term. Labor starts because the cervix fails. I don’t think I ever had a doctor say the words “you have cervical incompetence” to me, but….I knew there was something terriblyContinue reading “The Transabdominal Cerclage”

Living life again

“The new normal” is a phrase that I hope you never hear in connection to your own life. Unfortunately, it seems like “the new normal” is used in the aftermath of big, world-altering stuff like Pearl Harbor, 9/11, or COVID, and it’s also used after the loss of a loved one. Sure, I know losingContinue reading “Living life again”

I don’t want to do homework, and other things I don’t have energy for

I’m in a Weather & Climate class this semester, and my brain was not made for science. It’s nice, in many ways, because unlike my other classes, there are concrete and defined answers for everything; it is NOT nice in other ways, like here’s a formula for translating Fahrenheit into Celsius, remember it and useContinue reading “I don’t want to do homework, and other things I don’t have energy for”