Friday night my doctor called me. She’s pretty cool, and has been my doctor since before Elijah. She knows what we’ve been through and I know she hurts for us too. It’s very strange for my doctor to be about my own age–sometimes it just reminds me of all I could have done and haven’tContinue reading “The Worst Thing To Be Thankful For”
Tag Archives: grief journey
Equilibrium
Yesterday my sister and I were texting. How are you? she asked.Today I’m sad, I replied.Do you want to talk about it?I don’t know. There’s nothing to say. It is what it is, I wrote back. I remember, when I was younger especially, how much I hated that phrase it is what it is. ToContinue reading “Equilibrium”
8 Days Later
I had hoped to let this blog be an instrument of healing for myself and others, a way to process my grief over my first two babies and try to move forward. Unfortunately, agonizingly, I am forced to live a different grief for another baby, and you’ll see it unspool in real time. I hadContinue reading “8 Days Later”
Memories Are Tricky
If you’re in the fog of grief, it can seem like far, far too much of your brain is tied up in screaming. You’re trying to eat, sleep, maybe go to work or the grocery store, talk to people like a functioning adult, and all that takes place against a constant buzz of loss.“How areContinue reading “Memories Are Tricky”
Self-Blame and Grief
I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I’m an ISFJ and an Enneagram 6: I’m responsible and [generally] kind; I like security and stability and strive to provide those things for others. I love babies. I think I’d be good at being a mom. PLOT TWIST: I am bad at becoming a mom. I haveContinue reading “Self-Blame and Grief”
The Holidays
2020 has been a real rollercoaster. A lot of people have been so adversely affected by COVID-19 that anything else I have to say on the subject is really unnecessary; suffice it to say, I think most of us will be glad to sit quietly on the couch with a glass of wine and toastContinue reading “The Holidays”
Grief, Loss, and Intolerable Growth
“I walked a mile with Pleasure;She chatted all the way;But left me none the wiser,For all she had to say. I walked a mile with Sorrow,And ne’er a word said she;But, oh! The things I learned from her,When Sorrow walked with me.”–Robert Browning Hamilton I find this poem to be very true. My life beforeContinue reading “Grief, Loss, and Intolerable Growth”
Living life again
“The new normal” is a phrase that I hope you never hear in connection to your own life. Unfortunately, it seems like “the new normal” is used in the aftermath of big, world-altering stuff like Pearl Harbor, 9/11, or COVID, and it’s also used after the loss of a loved one. Sure, I know losingContinue reading “Living life again”
I don’t want to do homework, and other things I don’t have energy for
I’m in a Weather & Climate class this semester, and my brain was not made for science. It’s nice, in many ways, because unlike my other classes, there are concrete and defined answers for everything; it is NOT nice in other ways, like here’s a formula for translating Fahrenheit into Celsius, remember it and useContinue reading “I don’t want to do homework, and other things I don’t have energy for”
Joys Are Coming Fast 