Grief, Loss, and Intolerable Growth

“I walked a mile with Pleasure;She chatted all the way;But left me none the wiser,For all she had to say. I walked a mile with Sorrow,And ne’er a word said she;But, oh! The things I learned from her,When Sorrow walked with me.”–Robert Browning Hamilton I find this poem to be very true. My life beforeContinue reading “Grief, Loss, and Intolerable Growth”

Today is Elijah’s due date, or: Geniuses are smart, and also dumb

October is both my favorite month, and the most agonizing one. Faith died October 22nd, 2018, and Elijah was due October 26th, 2019. Today would have been his first birthday if he’d lived. In my head he would’ve been a carbon copy of his beautiful father. [Something I devoutly hope for all my children, pastContinue reading “Today is Elijah’s due date, or: Geniuses are smart, and also dumb”

Two Years Ago Today

Ah, Jesus. What can I say that I haven’t already said? How can I express all this? Two years ago today, October 22nd, 2018, we lost our sweet little girl, Faith Elisa Gager. She was 17 weeks, 5 days old and weighed 7 ounces. She had my hands and feet. [I’ve always liked my handsContinue reading “Two Years Ago Today”

Today I’m Okay

I’m not sure if I should set up this blog this way, but what I’m trying to do is write as frequently as is helpful, but not so often that I burn out and start to spiral [ask me how I know about spiraling]. So, maybe the best thing is to write when I canContinue reading “Today I’m Okay”